All The Things That I've Done
by Heartsong's Fanfictions
Summary: Blackstar's life. A songfic. Song - All The Things That I've Done by The Killers. BlackstarxBrightflower, BlackstarxRussetfur I love angsty romance.


**A songfic about Blackstar that just popped into my head ^^ I was inspired.**

_When there's nowhere else to run  
Is there room for one more son  
One more son  
If you can hold on  
If you can hold on, hold on_

The she-cat ran through the forest, amber eyes wide and jaws tight around her small kit's scruff. He mewled pitifully as his body brushed the snow, eyes squeezed shut and white fur spiky with frost and dust. His tiny black paws flailed as his mother stumbled over a tree root, before taking a deep breath and starting to run again.

She couldn't take care of her precious kit anymore. Her milk was running dry; there wasn't enough prey to feed him with. She had heard rumors about the fierce groups of cats living in the forest, and the beautiful she-cat knew that the would make a great addition to them. He would grow to be strong and cunning, a truly great tom with the strength of a dog and the smarts of a fox.

She knew it was probably dangerous to do this, but she had to try. She must try, for her kits' sake. Slowly, the beautiful white rogue cat set her only son down near the Thunderpath, washing his pelt to try keep him warm.  
With a sigh, she closed her eyes and pressed her muzzle to his shivering body. "My son," She murmured, licking him once over the ear. Pain seared in her chest. "We will meet again one day, I swear of it." She paused, hearing the patrol's yowls shatter through the marshlands. She didn't have much time.

"If you can, my beautiful kit, hold on. Hold on to whatever you love; to your beliefs and to your life." Her warm eyes opened, shining with love as she pressed her muzzle to his.

His eyes blinked open for the very first time, staring up at her in wonder.

"If you can, my kit, hold on."

_I wanna stand up, I wanna let go_  
_You know, you know - no you don't, you don't_  
_I wanna shine on in the hearts of men_  
_I wanna mean it from the back of my broken hand_

"Blackfoot will be the new deputy of ShadowClan."

The strong white tom stood, amber eyes burning with an unknown emotion. The crowd before him cheered his name, and he raised his chin proudly. Warmth bloomed in his chest, and he knew what he must do.  
"My Clan, I am honored to serve as your deputy," He boomed, claws digging into the earth. "And I will do whatever I can to keep ShadowClan strong and safe, alongside our great leader."

He looked up at his old friend, whose yellow eyes shone down at him with contempt. Brokenstar didn't know how to lead a Clan properly, but Blackfoot would take care of his cats. He wanted to be known in the Clans; to be one of the most feared and respected cats in the forest.  
Wherever his ambition lead him, Blackfoot knew it would only lead to good.  
Right?

_Another head aches, another heart breaks  
I am so much older than I can take  
And my affection, well it comes and goes  
I need direction to perfection, no no no no_

Blackfoot had remembered pacing in front of the medicine cats' den, worry searing his belly. _Let them be okay. Great StarClan, let them be okay!_

Brightflower was kneading the ground with her paws, eyes wide with anxiety. Love blossomed in his chest for the black-and-white she-cat, and he pressed his muzzle to hers.

"I'm sure they're okay," He murmured, wanting to comfort her. "They're fine; I know they are."

The queen's beautiful eyes were so sad. "They were too young to leave the nursery. Brokenstar shouldn't have taken them out so soon."

Blackfoot shook his head. "Brokenstar would never do such a thing unless he knew that they were strong enough," He growled, feeling his affection for her dwindle in his defense for his old friend. "They're ShadowClan apprentices. They're too strong to be this hurt."

A rustle was heard from behind them, and the two stared expectantly at the medicine cat.

Yellowfang stared at them sadly before closing her eyes in defeat. "I'm so, so sorry."

Blackfoot's heart broke for the first time, and with it, his life began to slowly fall apart.

_Help me out  
Yeah, you know you got to help me out  
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the back burner  
You know you got to help me out_

"Brokenstar?"  
Blackfoot called into his leaders' den, amber eyes narrowed and claws digging into the soil. A voice answered from the darkness.  
"Not now, Blackfoot, I'm busy."  
Desperation seared through his veins. After losing Brightflower as a mate, he had no one he could talk to about his kits' death. Now, he would depend on his old friend.  
_I loved them so much._  
"Please, Brokenstar-" He began, but broke off as the leader hissed at him.  
"I said not now, Blackfoot! Go set the patrols; its nearly dawn. I'll deal with you later."

Silence ensued, and Blackfoot padded away silently.

_And when there's nowhere else to run  
Is there room for one more son  
These changes ain't changing me  
The gold-hearted boy I used to be_

After that, Blackfoot was curt and cold. He was snappy with his warriors, and his patience began to dwindle. Feeling as if he had nothing left except Brokenstar, he clung to the leader like moss to a tree. When they were banished, he fought just as fiercely alongside his leader whenever he had to, and he took as much control as he had when he was deputy of ShadowClan.

But one day, while hunting...

He had caught a frog, killing it and beginning to eat. Hunger rumbled at his belly; he hadn't eaten in days. He was so intent on chewing his meal that he didn't hear the cat sneaking up from behind him.

A screech sounded, and a thin weight fell on him.

The large tom bristled, easily throwing her off. She landed with a loud thud, and Blackfoot turned to face the she-cat with blazing eyes.

She was ragged and worn-down, stumbling to her feet with a hoarse cough. The she-cat had been desperate enough to attack him - she must have been braver than he had thought.

He could tell that she had once been beautiful, but now her snow-white pelt was unwashed and caked with blood and dirt, her amber eyes dull and defeated. She cowered as he moved forward, eyes narrowed and teeth curled back in a snarl.  
"You're a fool if you thought you could steal my prey," He muttered, averting his gaze. "Don't try it again, or you might get even more hurt than you are now." Pity washed over him, and he shoved the remains of his frog towards the she-cat.

She stared up at him with distrust before sniffing at the frog and beginning to gulp it down. Finished, she rested on her side and let loose a sigh. "Thank you, youngster," She rasped, and somehow her voice sounded so familiar. "I thought I was going to die if I didn't have another meal soon." Her eyes grew sad, and she closed them with defeat. "I've been holding on to whatever I have left."

Her words struck him like a blow to the stomach, and suddenly, everything felt right.

"What is your name?" He asked, sitting near her. Her face grew long.  
"Snow."  
Sadness and a long lost emotion surged through him, and he moved forward hesitantly.  
"It's nice to meet you, Snow. My name is Blackfoot."  
She stared up at him for a moment, recognition flashing in her amber eyes, before happiness broke across her lovely, oh so familiar face, and she answered with a loud purr.  
"I told you that we would meet again... my son."

_Yeah, you know you got to help me out  
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the back burner  
You know you got to help me out  
You're gonna bring yourself down  
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down  
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down_

_[x10]  
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier  
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier_

Snow died after the battle with ThunderClan. Blackfoot buried her near her den, an abandoned badgers nest near a trickling stream. A beautiful place, for a beautiful cat, he had thought as he padded away.

Depression hit him hard, but he acted strong for his rogues and his new leader, Tigerclaw. The tom was strong, yes, but he was also foolish; worse than Brokenstar. He wasn't even born in ShadowClan, yet he had false ambitions to lead it.

Soon enough he was once again deputy of ShadowClan - back in the place where the entire thing had started. Tigerstar was a great leader, of course, but his ambition made him stupid and blind to what may go wrong. The kittypet leader, Firestar, would definitely fight back. The ginger tom had something going for him, that was for sure.

Then Tigerstar preached about the half-Clanners. He hissed and spat about how kittypets and half-Clan cats were just pieces of crowfood, and that only ShadowClan should be ruling in the forest. Blackfoot yowled his approval, but deep in his heart, he knew this was wrong. After all, did he really belong in a Clan himself? Where had he come from?

Yet before he realized what he was doing, his claws were ripping through the flesh of Stonefur, one of the four half-Clan cats that were being kept prisoner. As the gray cat stared into his eyes, he could see a flicker of sadness. The RiverClan cat had known that Blackfoot had doubts.

The tom didn't hear Tigerstar's approval after that. The deputy simply stared down at the tom, blood pooling at his black paws. Claws dug into the harsh ground.

Then he remembered his kits, and his eyes closed in despair. If Bluestar were still alive, she would be crushed, like he was when Brokenstar murdered his kits. The pain threatened to overtake him.  
_I am a monster. I'm not a warrior anymore._

_Yeah, you know you got to help me out  
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the back burner  
You know you got to help me out  
You're gonna bring yourself down  
You're gonna bring yourself down  
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the back burner  
You're gonna bring yourself down  
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down_

Blackstar stood on the Highbranch, adressing his Clan. "I shouldn't be your leader, after Sol. I never should have listened to that piece of fox-dung. From now on, ShadowClan will grow strong once more under MY command, and under StarClan."

His Clan yowled their approval, and sadness weighed him down. How could he have listened to such a cat? He should have chased him off of his territory, like a better leader would do. He slithered down the tree, his amber eyes dull with defeat. "Russetfur," He called, flicking his tail at her. "My den. Now."

The ginger she-cat nodded and stood, trotting over to him. They vanished into his den, and he sat with his tail curled over his paws.

"Yes, Blackstar?" She asked, amber eyes alight with curiosity. Though she was hot-tempered and aggressive, she made a great warrior and a wonderful listener. Hopefully her anger would tone down a bit after a few more moons as deputy.

"I don't belong here." His voice was heavy with the sadness that was bottled up over time, and his head bowed.

Russetfur's eyes flashed with fear, quickly concealed with anger. "What do you mean?"  
"I shouldn't be leader." His mew was quiet and somewhat shaky. "I... I can't do this for much longer, Russetfur."

The deputy was silent for a moment, before she moved and pressed her muzzle against his. "Hold on for just a while longer, Blackstar. It will get better, and eventually, you will lead this Clan better than you ever have."

He saw the love and devotion that shone in her warm eyes, and he nodded.  
"Thank you, Russetfur."  
"I'll always be here for you. You should know that by now, you handsome mousebrain."

_Over and in, last call for sin  
While everyone's lost, the battle is won  
With all these things that I've done  
All these things that I've done  
If you can hold on  
If you can hold on_

"No!"  
Pain seared through his side as he fell to the ground, panting as his eyes closed.  
The battle seemed to become still as Russetfur's screech sounded through the camp. The ginger she-cat rushed up to him, nose pressing into his fur.

Cats gathered near, but kept some of their distance. Worried murmurs spread, and Blackstar could see Onestar's claws digging into the ground, stained with blood.

"Please, Blackstar, just hold on a moment. Flamepaw is running back to camp for more herbs. You'll get better..."  
The white tom shook his head, and he weakly licked her cheek. Her eyes were so sad, so beautiful...  
"Blackstar, hold on for our kits."

_All the things I've done..._ He closed his eyes. His broken heart was mending, after the many blows it had taken, after the many moons it had remained bloody and bruised inside of him...

"Tell them... tell them that I love them, and that I'm watching over them."  
"Blackstar, no!" Russetfur wailed, pressing her nose to his fur. "I can't lead the Clan like this. Who will take my place?"  
"I'm sorry, Russetfur," He sighed. "I... I can't hold on anymore."

"I love you." Her voice was sad.  
Starlight filled his vision, and a different pair amber eyes shone warmly down at him.  
_"It's time to let go."_  
_**The End**_

**Hope you liked it! Review!**


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